


Zo's Long Con to Love

by zephfair



Category: Da Vinci's Demons
Genre: Because there isn't any, Crack, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Modern AU, Slow Build, Trope Fic, Zo is truly the best friend who ever friended, don't expect drama or anything deep, fake dating trope, he deserves more love, like glacially slow build, too bad he might not find it here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6320224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephfair/pseuds/zephfair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zo needs to join a psychological research study in order to pass his class and graduate, and he's not above using blackmail to find himself a partner. Whether said partner lets him survive to graduation is another matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry to offer more crack and fluff! This flack? cruff? is based on [this Tumblr post](http://zephfair.tumblr.com/post/140934356495/lesbianrey-looks-like-the-perfect-opportunity). Then it grew a life of its own and ran away from me.

**_PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY_**  
Romantic Couples Study  
**_You and your partner_ are eligible to participate if you:**  
Are in a committed, monogamous romantic relationship  
Have been dating for at least six months  
Are currently living together  
Are both over the age of 18

 

Zo stared at the flyer his professor handed out. He'd seen them posted around campus the past few days as the spring semester began. Although the large, bolded **_PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY_** first grabbed his attention, he'd quickly ignored the notice. While he could always use cash, he was not in a relationship, and frankly, none of his romantic liaisons had lasted anywhere near six months.

But now, his psych professor was complaining that his department could not find enough volunteers to fulfill a very important study that had already received funding.

“I am not bribing students to participate in my study,” Dr. Al-Rahim said. “But I am saying that if any of you meet the study requirements and sign up now, I am sure it will be worth some kind of extra credit since you will be displaying initiative and demonstrating your keen interest in psychology. And since my reputation as a professor is well known, I can only tell you that it is also well deserved and will be reflected in your final grades.”

Zo knew he needed the credits to graduate; he had no choice. He'd already tried to transfer into any other psych class that would meet his requirements, but they were all full. He knew Al-Rahim's reputation and knew he would need all the help he could get just to pass the class. Flipping through the syllabus and trying to calculate exactly how many papers he would have to write along with the weekly quizzes and major exams, not to mention the group oral presentation before the final, Zo knew he was fucked.

Before he could think twice, he raised his hand and put on his most winning smile. “Professor, yes, I'd be happy to volunteer.”

____________________________________

Zo knew his best friends would help him. They would understand his dire need. They were always there for him.

Nico said, “No way.” 

Zo had figured Nico would be the easiest to convince, and he had sprung it on him over lunch. “What? Why?” Zo spluttered after the flat-out denial.

“I've heard about Dr. Al-Rahim, and I've heard stories about the psych studies. There's no way I'm getting involved in any of that. First off, he'd know we were lying. Second, a guy in my English lit class said his roommate's cousin's brother volunteered for a study once and ended up getting shock therapy. I don't want them messing with my brain!”

“Nico, Nico,” Zo reached across the table and grabbed his wrist. “There are always horror stories about these kinds of things. But there are rules in place and laws and such.” Zo was sure there must be, somewhere. If animal testing was frowned upon then surely students couldn't be used as guinea pigs either. “It's perfectly safe. And think of the cash. And my passing grade so I can finally graduate.”

“It's not my fault you're a fifth-year senior just now taking some of the freshmen gen ed requirements.”

“No, it's mine. And partly Leo's. But in order to prevent me being a sixth-year senior, can't you help me out? Come on, you know it would be fun,” Zo tried to wheedle, but Nico was clearly having none of it.

“Even if it weren't a huge lie that could get me expelled, Dr. Al-Rahim scares me,” Nico squirmed a little and pulled his wrist free. “I ran into him coming across the quad one day when I was running late to class, and I bumped his coffee over. His eyes,” Nico shuddered and Zo swore it was authentic fear. “It was like he could see into my soul. He'll know right away that we're lying.”

“Nico, my boy, have I ever let you down?”

“Yes.”

Zo held up a hand. “I mean when it's important.”

“Yes.”

“I mean when—”

“Zo, I'm serious. I'm not playing at a fake relationship with you. And if you're smart and serious about graduating, you won't either. If you get caught, it'll be worse than failing one class.” Nico sipped at his soda while Zo rubbed his beard in frustration. “And besides, who in their right mind would ever think that I would stoop so low as to date you?”

____________________________________

Zo should have known better than to try and trust the kid. When it came down to it, and the shit hit the fan, the only person he could always count on was his best friend, his best friend _forever_ , Leo. And he was ready to lay that on nice and thick to press his point.

When Zo walked into their shared apartment, he knew he'd find Leo was in one of his two usual places. If Leo were home, he would be found working at his huge messy table strewn with everything from art supplies to computer guts or he would be in his room sucking face with his current paramour Lucrezia. Judging by the sounds coming from behind Leo's door, it was the second.

Zo fixed himself a snack and settled in front of the TV, cranking the volume high to drown out the noise. He had often wondered if Leo knew just how thin the walls of their apartment were, or if he didn't care that poor Zo always knew which cute boy he had brought home from the engineering department or whatever girl he'd picked up in an art class. Lucrezia had been a nude model; Zo knew she'd been around since the fall and whatever Leo saw in her, it appeared he was willing to make an exception and give monogamy a try. 

Zo knew Leo would help him out, and it wouldn't even be as big a lie. They had lived together since the second semester of their freshmen year when they'd struck up a friendship and neither of their respective roommates had worked out. Leo understood him. Leo would go to hell and back for him because he knew Zo would always do the same for him.

“I'm sorry, man, but I just can't,” Leo told him fifteen minutes later when he and Lucrezia had finally stumbled out of his room and Leo had collapsed onto the couch next to him.

“Why not?” Zo whined. “You know some of the shit I've done for you. You owe me.”

“I totally do, Zo, and I swear I'll make it up to you. But right now is not good.” Leo opened his arm and Lucrezia settled onto his lap with a giggle, giving him a drink of the water she'd gotten and following it with a kiss.

Zo almost gagged. “Leo, I'm telling you, this is a matter of life or death. My life as a college graduate or the death of all my dreams. I have got to pass this class, and the only way that's going to be possible is if I volunteer for this stupid-ass research project.”

“Who's the prof?” Lucrezia asked, sharing one of the grapes she'd brought from the kitchen.

“Dr. Al-Rahim.”

“Ooo, he's tough,” Lucrezia said. “My sophomore roommate's sister's ex-boyfriend knew a guy who signed up for one of his studies and had to fight a monkey.”

“What?! That's the most asinine thing I've ever heard,” Zo rolled his eyes.

“I'm serious,” Lucrezia's eyes grew round and she clung tighter to Leo. “They were doing some kind of test about human versus animal intelligence and the guy had to arm wrestle a monkey to qualify. I heard he lost and Al-Rahim failed him and he had to leave school, all because he couldn't beat a monkey.”

Zo opened his mouth to make the obvious spank the monkey joke, but Lucrezia looked genuinely unnerved so he declined. It did make Leo look at him in concern. “Zo, buddy, I wish I could help you, but everyone knows that Lucrezia and I are dating. And I'm super-busy with my newest drone. If I can get the clearance, I think I can have it flight-worthy in less than a month. If I pull a lot of all-nighters.”

“Oh, Leo, you work too hard,” Lucrezia murmured and kissed him. Leo muttered something to her and kissed her harder.

Zo turned away from the display and sighed. Leo probably hadn't been the best choice anyway. He could and would get lost in his research and usually didn't even know what day it was. Realistically, Zo knew Leo could never sustain the lie because he'd forget halfway through and probably show up at the psych evaluations with Lucrezia instead of Zo and blow the whole deal.

Zo mused that it was a good thing he was so popular that his list of friends and loved ones was happy and extensive.

____________________________________

Vanessa held up her hand and forestalled him as soon as he entered the coffee house. 

“I am not leaving Giuliano for you,” she said firmly. “Besides, everyone all over campus knows we've been together since freshmen year.”

“Vanessa,” Zo turned on the biggest, saddest eyes he had in his arsenal. But Vanessa was made of sterner stuff.

“Zo, I wish you all the best in your sham relationship, but no one would believe that I dumped Giuliano six months ago to start dating you.” Vanessa finished off his usual order and slid it across the counter. “And I'm pretty sure that it was Dr. Al-Rahim who caught us last week having a private moment in Giuliano's car in one of the campus parking lots. I've never had class with him, but the lot was right beside the psych building and, well, we couldn't wait.”

“Would you consider welcoming me into a fake polyamorous relationship? Please? I really need this.”

Vanessa shook her head. “It just wouldn't work out between us, Zo.” She patted his hand when he slumped. “Look on the bright side. If you can't convince someone to lie with you, you won't have to take part in the experiment. I've heard some strange things about Dr. Al-Rahim. Giuliano said his one frat brother's sister's roommate's friend once volunteered for a study and—” 

“Yeah, yeah, I've heard. She probably had to fight monkey,” he said sarcastically.

“Actually, she had to finish a maze before a rat, and whoever won got a piece of cheese while the loser got shocked!”

“I am more and more terrified by this professor,” Zo said. “If I didn't need this class to graduate, Vanessa, I wouldn't have taken it.”

“I know. But maybe if you apply yourself, you could actually pass without the extra credit?”

They shared a long look and both burst out laughing. “Thanks, I needed that,” Zo said, wiping his eyes when their laughs slowed down.

“You'll find a way, Zo. You always do.”

 

____________________________________

Down, but not out, Zo started the next morning at the cafeteria where his stoner friend Amerigo worked. One look at him and even Zo's enthusiasm flagged and he couldn't bring himself to mention it.

____________________________________

It all came down to the last name in his mental Rolodex of possible acquaintances who might be persuaded to help him out. Even if the persuasion was more of the blackmailing kind.

Zo double-checked the off-campus address again. The apartment was actually a duplex of a very nice house in a residential neighborhood that didn't scream student housing. It belonged to Riario, the weird friend of Leo and cousin of Lucrezia, who showed up as the fifth wheel or seventh wheel when the friends went out as a group occasionally. If asked to describe him in detail, Zo would only be able to say that he was dark, quiet, intense and glowered at most of them, including his own cousin. 

He rang the doorbell and waited, wondering if Riario would even know who he was. He heard footsteps stop and figured Riario was probably looking through the peephole so he put on his most ingratiating smile.

The door opened only as wide as the security chain would allow. “What do you want?” Riario's voice was as quiet and stern as he'd remembered.

“I've come to talk to you about a business opportunity,” Zo said brightly.

“I am not interested in purchasing anything that fell off a truck and into your hands.”

“What? No, it's not like that. I'm looking for someone to join me in a study.”

“We're not in the same major.”

“Not that kind of study.” Zo breathed out and reached for more patience. “I need a partner for a research study. To pass my psych class, I had to sign up for a study. And I need you.”

Riario was even quieter then said, “Ask one of your friends.”

“I did. They all have excuses.”

“So you turned to me? I can't say I'm touched.” Riario tried to slam door in his face.

Zo gritted his teeth against the pain in his foot where he'd shoved his boot in the open door. “If you don't help me, I'll tell Lucrezia.”

Riario stopped idly bouncing the door against Zo's foot. “Tell Lucrezia what?”

“I know what happened after the Halloween party.”

“I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.” Riario's voice was ice, but Zo figured he might as well push his luck as he always did.

“I'm sure you do. You and Leo didn't hear me come in that night. I didn't get lucky but you sure did.”

Riario froze as well as his voice. “You have no idea what you're talking about.”

“I know that Leo went to a costume party with your cousin, but he brought you home, and the two of you did all kinds of things that had both of you screaming—long and loud—most of the night. And I saw your walk of shame out of his room. So, unless you want your cousin to know that you two shared her boyfriend, I suggest you join me in this study.”

Riario's eyes narrowed, and Zo figured he was probably calculating whether it was easier to kill Zo and hide the body or give in or call Zo's bluff. Only Zo wasn't bluffing. He would tell Lucrezia if he had to. He loved Leo like a brother, but he didn't think Lucrezia was necessarily the best choice for him. Zo might feel bad momentarily because it would hurt Lucrezia, but word had it she'd been seeing Giuliano's brother off and on for years so he had a bad feeling her infatuation with Leo had an expiration date anyway.

Riario was still silent so Zo tried some persuasion. “Just come in and go through the vetting process with me,” he said. “If we're not accepted, you can go free and I'll keep your dirty little secret.” He wasn't about to say how desperate the psych department was so they were virtually guaranteed a place in the study. 

“But what if we are accepted?”

Zo shrugged. “Then we have to act like we're a couple who's been in love and co-habitating for six months.”

“How are you going to explain that no one has seen us together in six months of dating?”

“We're going to say that we're private. That you were ashamed of me and didn't want to move in together and make it public until you were sure. Which you were. Last fall. And we're madly, deeply in love now and willing to shout it to the world for the sake of the psychology department.”

Riario's eyes narrowed and Zo just knew he'd already worked out at least five ways to murder him and get away with it.

“So, either you agree to be my live-in boyfriend until I get my extra credit for the class, or I tell your cousin that you hooked up with the love of her life. And you might still be doing it for all I know.” Zo tried to free his foot from the door because Riario's look got exponentially more dangerous.

“If I agree to this nonsense, you will not breathe a word about that slip of my good judgment. Ever.”

“Never,” Zo promised, fingers crossed behind his back. “I'll even split the cash from the study with you. Not that you'll need it. This place looks pretty sweet. When can I move in?”

Riario took a deep breath and Zo pulled his foot free. But Riario only took another steadying breath and opened his eyes to stare at Zo. “You can move in only after we have gone through the preliminary testing. If we are officially accepted into the study, then and only then, will we discuss living arrangements.”

“Great. I'll email you the details when I get our appointment. And I'll email you our backstory, how we got together, that kind of thing.”

Riario looked askance but rattled off his email address, and Zo waved as he left before Riario slammed the door. He had some creative writing to get to and he thought he could at least sucker Nico into coming up with a properly romantic story for him and the bastard.

They were obviously going to need some work.

____________________________________

 

Zo found out that Al-Rahim's reputation as a hardass was definitely deserved when he got back his first assignment marked with a big red F. It only soothed him a little when the professor announced that no one had gotten over a C, and they were all doomed to failure.

When Al-Rahim's eyes cut to him, Zo would have sworn the man knew exactly what he was thinking at that moment.

Al-Rahim stopped him after class with the news that Zo and his partner were to meet in the testing lab of the psychology department the next afternoon. Zo gave him his most charming smile, the one Leo had said made him look the least dishonest, but Al-Rahim did not seem impressed.

Zo emailed Riario and only got back an “OK.” It was exactly the same response he'd gotten to the other emails he'd sent the man. Zo had been particularly proud of the relationship details he and Nico had thought up and written as sappy as a lurid romance novel, detailing their meet-cute, their first date, first kiss and first sex. Zo had really pulled out the stops with that one, sending Nico away to bed claiming he was too young to read the filth. Then he'd gotten drunk and typed out some details of their first supposed hook-up.

And he'd still only gotten back an “OK.”

It made him a little disappointed that Riario was being so passive. Based on what he'd heard from Leo's room on Halloween, Riario had it in him to be very passionate. Zo cut short his ponderings on what it would take to bring that kind of response out of him.

He paced in front of the psych lab ten minutes before the appointment time. He knew Riario would be early, and he was, but he slowed when he saw Zo. Zo took the opportunity to really size him up.

Zo tended to rate everyone he met, no matter how casually, on a scale of Fuck Yeah to Fuck No. He had placed Riario firmly in the Fuck Yeah I'd Do You Right Now category based on his looks alone, but after five minutes of sullen and scowling silence, he'd downgraded him a little. Riario just didn't have the personality to keep Zo interested. He was too tight-laced, too buttoned-up, too haughty. Just the way he was looking down his nose at Zo right now—metaphorically—put him firmly into Zo's Eh I'd Fuck Them If I Had Nothing Better To Do category.

“Did you memorize the stuff I sent you?”

“Are they really going to question where you took me for dinner on our one-month anniversary?” Riario sighed.

“They might. I have no idea where this is going, but I thought I'd better cover all our bases.”

“Yes, you explained all about the bases in your email and when we scored them all.”

Zo brightened. “So you did read the notes.”

“Can we just please get this over with?” Riario opened the door and held it for him. 

As Zo brushed past him, Zo whispered, “What is your first name anyway?”

“This endeavor is not doomed to failure in any way,” Riario said, sarcasm dripping so heavily Zo was surprised it didn't coat the floor. “Just remember: if I become embroiled in your scheme and am punished by the school, I will make your life a living hell.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR NOTE: I AM NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST, NOR HAVE I EVER PARTICIPATED IN A RESEARCH STUDY. I TOOK A PUBLISHED STUDY FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO AND EXTRAPOLATED FROM IT TO FIT MY STORY NEEDS. I CAN LINK YOU THE STUDY IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

Zo waved at Riario, no, his boyfriend _Girolamo_ as they were led into two separate offices. He was surprised that Al-Rahim was the one waiting for him.

“Professor, how are you?”

Al-Rahim only inclined his head toward Zo and motioned him to sit. Two assistants immediately began hooking him up to a machine on the desk between them. 

“Whoa,” Zo admonished, trying to pull his arm away from one enthusiastic but very cute blonde assistant. “Easy with the goods. What exactly are you doing?”

“We need to establish some baseline readings before we begin the test,” Al-Rahim said with absolutely no real explanation.

“Well as long as Girolamo and I aren't attached to this contraption to shock each other from another room, yeah?” Zo laughed and let the girl tighten a strap around his chest.

Al-Rahim gave him a tight smile and left the room. Zo noticed that he didn't actually disagree.

Zo had to answer a barrage of questions that were already covered in the paperwork he'd filled out along with some new information about his boyfriend and relationship.

Then an assistant took the questions and asked several of them repeatedly, and that's when Zo realized he was hooked up to a polygraph machine. In his various run-ins with authorities, he'd never had to take a lie detector test so it was interesting. He also had no idea if he was going to pass.

The questions had to be structured so Zo could answer only yes or no.

“Do you have strong feelings for your partner?” Yes, his loathing for Riario was pretty strong.

“You said that when you have a fight, you are honest with each other about your feelings.” Yes, he'd been honest when he'd blackmailed Riario, er, Girolamo.

“You stated the thing you love most about your partner is his looks.” Yes, Zo thought that he was sexy but kind of an asshole.

“You said the thing you dislike most about your partner his arrogance and when he doesn't treat you as an equal.” Yes, that had started about five minutes after Lucrezia introduced them for the first time.

“If you could change one thing about him, you answered you would make him more friendly.” Yes, he'd also settle for slightly less murderous and threatening, but a man can't have everything.

After the test, Al-Rahim came back in and looked at the results. His eyebrow raised, he turned back to Zo. “Are you still interested in taking part in our research study?”

“Absolutely,” Zo said immediately. “As long as you're still offering extra credit.”

Al-Rahim shook his head, but he did take the papers with him after brusquely instructing the assistant to continue.

Zo had to move in front of a large computer monitor and spent another half an hour staring as photographs flashed on the screen, never for more than a second, then he had to say if it reminded him of romantic love or sexual desire. Zo didn't bother telling them that he'd never considered them to be two different things. And he would have sworn that several of the images resembled Riario.

When the assistants finally turned off the monitor, Al-Rahim came back in. “Your partner has just finished his testing as well. I will now give you the rest of the study requirements.”

“There's more?” Zo said, rubbing at his tired eyes.

“Oh yes. You must follow through with this the rest of the semester. I will need you to keep a daily log of your interactions with your partner.”

“Come on, doc, that sounds majorly invasive. You don't really want to know what me and Girolamo get up to at home at night in bed, do you?” Zo gave his best leer, but Al-Rahim didn't even blink. The man never seemed to blink.

“I require a log of your emotional activities, but not in that sort of detail. A note if you have a fight and how you resolved it. If he buys you a gift, you will log your response. And we may have an assistant visit your home unannounced at any time during the semester to monitor your relationship in person.”

“That's very invasive.” Zo had been hoping that he would never have to actually move in with Riario, but the threat of imminent home visits took that away.

“It's the only way we can ensure the study results will be untainted,” Al-Rahim said. 

“Well, then, if it benefits the study, I'm sure Girolamo and I will be happy to welcome you to our home at any time, professor.”

Al-Rahim nodded, and Zo felt like he'd been officially dismissed. He got up and walked to the door but couldn't resist a parting, “Do you still experiment with monkeys?”

“Why, Zoroaster, wherever did you hear that?”

“So you did used to?”

Al-Rahim smiled the enigmatic expression that never reached his unblinking eyes. “Are you volunteering to test yourself against one?”

“Naw, they're creepy little buggers. I just wanted to make sure one wasn't going to pounce on me as I left.”

“I assure you, the only one waiting to pounce on you, as you put it, is your boyfriend.” Al-Rahim's hand wave was definitely a dismissal now, and Zo was only too happy to take it.

Sure enough, Riario was waiting for him in the lobby, and he did not look happy. “Hey, how did it go,” Zo tried to sound cheerful, but Riario was grabbing his elbow and propelling him from the lab at top speed.

“What the hell was all of that?” Riario fumed as soon as they were outside.

“Well, I didn't know what the old charlatan had planned! That was some intense shit, right?”

“First they put me through a polygraph exam like a common criminal, then your professor continued to ask me increasingly personal questions about our 'relationship'.” Zo stifled a laugh when Riario actually made the air quotes. Riario glared at him harder. “He finally shook his head and told me the study would proceed and I was forced to make snap judgments over the pictures of complete strangers for another half an hour.”

“Yeah, that pretty much sums up my afternoon as well.”

“To finish off the indignities, your professor then informed me you would be keeping a detailed diary of our relationship for the next semester, and he might send someone to our home to check on us. What have you gotten us into?” Riario had paced a few steps away in his anger, but now he got in Zo's face as his voice dropped to a rasp. “I am planning to graduate with highest honors this spring. I will not allow anything or anyone to distract me. Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal. Yeah. I won't bother you. We'll get this done and I'll be graduating myself.” Zo stared into Riario's eyes, willing himself to look as trustworthy and honest as he ever had. Riario walked away. Zo called after, “I'll just grab my things and be over tomorrow night then, okay?”

____________________________________

Zo was honestly shocked when Riario actually opened the door to his knock and let him into the duplex. Riario led him directly up the stairs without a word, so Zo followed in silence. The thick, plush carpet muffled their footsteps as Riario led him to a room and opened the door. Zo hesitated only an instant— his mind argued that Riario had him at his mercy and might be going to dismember him. Then common sense kicked in and said that if Riario were going to kill him in a bloody manner, he'd have taken Zo to the basement where cleanup would be easier. Riario didn't seem like the type to want to ruin his nice flooring.

The spare bedroom had plain light blue walls, cream carpet, nondescript blinds at both windows. It was furnished with a double bed and basic furniture which was still more than Zo was used to. He plopped his duffle and backpack on the floor beside the chest of drawers, knowing somehow that to place his dirty bags on the clean white and blue bedspread would be asking for trouble.

“If you need more room for your things, we can move a bookcase up here,” Riario said.

Zo stared at him in surprise. “These are all my things.” Riario raised an eyebrow, looking surprised back. “I travel light,” Zo explained.

Riario shrugged. “There are a few house rules,” he said. “First, no pets.”

“No problem. The closest thing I have to a pet is Nico, and I'm pretty sure he's fully house-broken.”

Riario spared him a look, making it clear he found Zo's humor taxing. “Second, there will be no parties of any kind. If you want to have a friend here, you may have one friend at a time, and you will contain yourselves to this room.”

“Are you going to lock me in to be sure?”

“If it comes to that,” Riario said dryly. “I have been working for four years to graduate with highest honors, and I will not allow any distractions to occur in my final semester. Do you understand?”

“I've heard about those magical people who manage to graduate on time, but I thought they were merely legends. Like unicorns,” Zo said sarcastically.

“If anything derails my plans to graduate and attend the grad school of my choice, I will be very upset.” Riario took a step inside the room and Zo unconsciously took two steps back until he hit the dresser. “I contain most of my studying and work to the living room. You are free to use a desk there for your own studying. The kitchen is for cooking and eating only.”

“What about TV?”

“I don't own one,” Riario's quiet admission made Zo gasp out loud dramatically and put a hand over his heart.

“I don't see how this relationship is ever going to work. I never would have moved in with you if I'd known you don't have a television,” Zo said.

Riario's lips twitched, and Zo waited to see if he was going to explode or laugh. Riario apparently conquered to urge to do either or both. “If you insist on having any kind of entertainment equipment, you are welcome to set it up in your own room. At a reasonably quiet volume.”

“Got it,” Zo agreed. “I'm sure I'll have you playing Grand Theft Auto and watching The Bachelorette in no time.”

Riario shot him a look with another lip twitch and walked out, closing the door quietly behind him. Zo slumped to the bed with a sigh and raked his hand through his hair. He sprawled back on the bed, bounced a little to test its quality, and was satisfied. It sounded like he'd be practically living alone, and he was a little lonely already. He wouldn't test Riario's patience and invite anyone over yet, but he would certainly try to make it feel more like a home.

He got ready for bed and settled in with his laptop before cursing when he realized Riario hadn't given him the wifi password. He didn't want to bother him already so he lay in the darkness and stared at the ceiling.

Riario was an enigma. Zo was still shocked that he'd agreed to the whole scheme; surely his fear of Zo's threat wasn't that great? So what if Zo told Lucrezia about him hooking up with Leo? If it had been a one-time thing, why would he be upset? Unless…

Zo suddenly wondered if it _had_ only been the one time. Maybe Riario and Leo were hooking up regularly. Zo was out of the apartment frequently, and Lucrezia must have some other commitments of her own. Leo would be left alone sometime. Maybe he even sneaked over to this side of town and had happy fun times with Riario here.

Well, Zo could work with that. If Riario wanted to keep Leo his dirty little secret, for whatever reasons, Zo would go along with it. He was a man of his word. As long as Riario kept his word for the study, Zo would let him do his own thing. It couldn't be that bad.

____________________________________

The next night, Zo went out with Leo, Lucrezia and Nico to one of the friendliest bars in town. He had pulled a girl, a cute red-haired IT major, and was making out with her in the booth when he realized he'd missed something very important about his new arrangement: he couldn't take her home to his fake boyfriend's house. She offered to try and sneak him into her dorm, but Zo declined her invitation.

The mere thought that someone from the psych department might have seen him kissing the girl and ruined his con cooled his ardor. He made excuses, went up to the bar, and drank more than he had in a long time.

Zo wasn't sure when Nico poured him into a car, but he woke up when Nico was helping him to Riario's door. He fumbled for his key and stumbled in alone to find Riario reading, curled up on the leather couch, looking strangely casual and comfortable. Zo focused in on Riario's bare toes sticking out from under the hem of his soft cotton pants. It was the most skin Zo'd ever seen on him.

“I hate you, you stuck-up arrogant bastard,” Zo announced to the toes. “Did you know I can't bring anyone home for sex until this stupid-ass research thing is done?”

Riario placed his book carefully on the couch beside him and pulled his legs up further, hiding his toes. Zo felt very disappointed.

“I am aware,” Riario said very quietly. “I thought you would have considered that before you volunteered to pretend to have a serious monogamous partner.”

“Well fuck you. Maybe you can go,” there was a long pause as Zo tried to count the number of months between January and May before settling on, “that long without sex, but I cannot. Have you figured out a way to sneak Leo in? Can I smuggle someone in the back door? Oh God, what if Al-Rahim has one of his fucking monkeys watching the house? I can't go that long without getting laid.”

Riario was looking up at him with a strange expression that Zo had never seen him wear before. He unfurled his legs slowly and moved to stand like he was trying not to spook a wild animal. “Zoroaster, I think you have had enough to drink. You need to go to bed.”

“You're not my mother. I can do what I want,” Zo bellowed. “And right now I want to—”

The word never came out, but the vomit did. Zo threw up all over the Oriental rug and Riario's toes.

He woke up the next morning on top of his bed in Riario's house, still alive and, after a moment of careful checking, still with all his important bits. Although he was fully clothed, he was lying on his side and there was an unopened bottle of water on the nightstand. Zo figured that was probably as close to Florence Nightingale as Riario ever got, but frankly, it was surprising. And a little bit nice.

ZO'S LOG: Got sick, probably a stomach flu, Girolamo took excellent care of me and nursed me back to health. He's so thoughtful. I'll have to do something nice to repay him.

____________________________________

Zo was thankful the new HDTVs were light and easy to carry on his own. He'd borrowed the spare TV from Leo's room because he knew Leo found other activities to keep him busy, and he'd only had to clear off about a week's worth of dirty laundry from it. He'd also taken the PS4 but kindly left the Xbox.

He had it all set up on the living room floor when Riario got home. He heard Riario go through the process of keys in dish, shoes off, coat off, bag on the hall table before he entered the living room and stopped.

“What is that?” he asked quietly.

“It's called a television,” Zo gave it a loving pat. “And since you don't have cable yet, we'll just set it up for online use right now. I'll just need the password.”

Riario was giving the TV a look like it was a dangerous viper or perhaps a large grizzly about to come out of hibernation. But, he gave Zo the password and let him finish the set-up. He even agreed to letting Zo make popcorn and eat it carefully on the couch. Zo caught him glancing up from his book once or twice at crucial, suspenseful moments.

ZO'S LOG: I got Girolamo a new TV and he was speechless at my generosity. We spent the evening curled up watching the latest episodes of The Great British Baking Show.

____________________________________

Riario was usually up and out for some godawful exercise then showered and away to class before Zo fell out of bed and into clothes for his own classes. It was rare that Zo even saw signs of human habitation in the mornings, other than the beguiling odor of coffee from the used pods in the garbage can.

So walking into the kitchen on a snowy Sunday morning and finding Riario there was a surprise. Finding Riario fresh out of bed, still in T-shirt and flannel bottoms, hair all mussed and eyes heavy with sleep was a treat. Zo noticed he was barefoot and for some reason that made him feel vaguely nauseated and guilty for an instant.

Then he was looking back up at the total picture and enjoying it. Riario hid a yawn behind his hand and turned his back to Zo.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Zo said with the biggest, most insincere smile he could.

Riario growled.

“Looks like someone isn't the sunny morning person he pretends to be,” Zo continued, rattling around in the cupboard until he found the particularly large mug he liked.

Riario made another noise between a snarl and mumble. Zo sidled up beside Riario's prime position at the coffeemaker and waited for Riario's to be finished. Riario shoved the last piece of something into his mouth and turned to put saucer and fork into the dishwasher.

Zo checked out his ass—his very toned ass—when he leaned over. Riario stood and glared at him as if he'd felt the intrusive gaze. Then he took his travel mug out of the machine and stalked off to his bedroom.

When the street was plowed, Zo went shopping.

ZO'S LOG: The boyfriend is an exercise nut while my best workouts come in bed. Although he's really hard to buy for, I did pick out the perfect gift. I thought the black fuzzy socks were great because he's always barefoot and it's too cold to walk around risking frostbite. He wasn't impressed. Our first fight?

____________________________________

Riario only kept nasty, healthy, brightly colored fresh foods in the house. Zo smuggled in a few bags of snacks to his room, but he couldn't be bothered to actually cook for himself. Even the couple frozen processed meals he'd bought mysteriously disappeared on trash day.

So when Riario's longest day came around and there was nothing to eat, Zo figured he had plenty of time before Riario's class let out. He was taking his second bite of the greasiest supreme deep dish pizza he could get delivered without leaving the couch when Riario walked in. Zo couldn't even swear because his mouth was full.

“You look ridiculous,” Riario said, dropping his bag beside his desk. “At least swallow that mess because if any of it drips on the couch, I will end you.”

“That's what he said,” Zo mumbled around the bite of deliciousness. He didn't think Riario would understand but from the look he shot, Riario got it. And he didn't say another word as Zo snarfed down most of the pizza then went to the kitchen to put the rest in the fridge for breakfast.

The next night, when Zo got home late from a group study session, Riario didn't get up from his usual spot on the couch under his laptop. But he inclined his head toward the kitchen. “Dinner is in the refrigerator.”

Zo knew the pizza was gone so he was intrigued. Sure enough, there was a plate of something ricey with chicken maybe and all kinds of vegetables. Zo tasted it cold then threw it in the microwave and chowed down the rest.

“That was great,” he announced on his way back through the living room. “Where'd you get it from?”

Riario didn't look up from his typing but he snorted. “The ingredients came from the market and the finished product came from the stove.”

“Wow, you're a good cook. Thanks,” Zo added after a beat.

He thought he saw the side of Riario's mouth curl up, but he continued his work.

The next time Riario had a late night, Zo was ready. He even set up the kitchen table so they could eat together. Riario walked in slowly, eyes darting around the room before settling on Zo at the stove covered in pots and pans.

“Go on, sit down, this'll be ready in a minute,” Zo gestured with the wooden spoon. Riario sat stiffly, but his posture relaxed during the meal, Zo was relieved to see. As if Zo would waste perfectly good food to poison him.

ZO'S LOG: Girolamo is a really good cook. So I cooked him dinner for a change. Even if he didn't want to know what all I added to the sauce, he ate two helpings.

____________________________________

“What _are_ you majoring in?” Zo finally asked one evening when they were on opposite ends of the couch, Zo's feet propped on the coffeetable as he pecked at his psych homework on his laptop. Riario was tucked into his usual corner reading from a huge hardback textbook, occasionally stopping to highlight and then take notes longhand in a notebook.

Riario huffed out a little laugh. “I can't believe you haven't figured that out yet. I'm an English major.”

“Oh. You want to be a teacher?”

“No,” Riario's voice was as cold as Zo had heard yet.

“Sorry. Sore subject?”

Riario sighed and shut his book on his finger to mark his place. “I have heard every variation of every insult one can lay upon an English major. Including my favorite, 'Why are you studying the language you already know? That's easy enough.'”

Zo laughed hard at the comment and Riario's corresponding expression. “I can imagine. People can be such assholes. Don't worry about them; they don't know what shit they're talking about. It's like when I tell them I'm studying international business and they want to know specifics. Like I know what I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing.”

Zo would have sworn he saw Riario's face soften a little. “Exactly,” Riario agreed quietly.

“So what class are you studying for right now?” 

ZO'S LOG: My BF shared way too much about Victorian poets when I asked him about his classes. I now know more than I ever wanted about Browning, Tennyson and a bunch of other old writers. Girolamo really enjoys it though. I've never heard him talk so much at once before.

____________________________________

Nico had been making puppy eyes at Zo since the last disastrous night at the bar, and even Leo had texted to find out why he never came out anymore, so Zo announced to Riario they were meeting the gang Saturday night.

It started out just like every other time Riario had been dragged into their party, him sitting sullen and glowering at the boisterous and boozing crew of friends with all their inside jokes and hands-on teasing. 

Only this time, Zo was stuck next to him, and he soon realized that when Riario began to drink and unwind, he started to talk. In his very quiet, very breathy voice, he narrated exactly what was going through his mind when he was scowling at Zo's friends.

And Zo found out he was hilarious is a thoroughly cutting way that Zo could totally appreciate. When Riario started in on the outfit Lucrezia was barely wearing, Zo lost it and threw his head back laughing until he had tears in his eyes. It wasn't until he wiped his eyes that he realized Riario was looking at him, really looking at him, and the twitch of his lips this time was definitely a smile.

ZO'S LOG: The mutual friends are a whole lot more fun when the bf is having fun.

____________________________________

Of course Zo knew Valentine's Day existed—he'd just always conveniently managed not to have a regular girlfriend or boyfriend when Feb. 14 rolled around. It had saved him a lot of money.

But when he saw all the pink and red displays in every single store, he realized this year was different.

“Hey, what we doing tomorrow for Valentine's?” he asked as he carefully deposited on the kitchen counter the stinky cheese Riario had texted him to pick up.

“I had thought we would have a typical quiet Tuesday night in,” Riario said as he checked something in the oven.

“Aw, come on. Our first Valentine's Day as a couple—we can't stay home. We've got to go out and do all that fancy couples shit.”

“As… lovely as that sounds, Zoroaster, I believe it's too late to secure reservations anywhere but at home.”

“Leave it to me,” Zo promised. He loaded up on a giant pink teddy bear, bought a huge bouquet of balloons (Riario had unfortunately been right about it being too late for some things like roses), and the largest box of assorted chocolates he could find.

Then he escorted Riario to the newest fusion restaurant he'd heard girls talking about in class. After an aborted dinner at Vlad's, both of them went to McDonald's and vowed never to speak of it again.

ZO'S LOG: Should have listened to the bf and stayed in. A surprise murder mystery complete with gruesome corpses on the table and fake cannibalistic maitre d' (oh god at least I hope it was fake) not my idea of romantic holiday.

____________________________________

Zo had only found some very expensive vodka in Riario's freezer and two bottles of aged Scotch in one of the cupboards. Occasionally Riario would bring a bottle of wine for dinner. So Zo figured his low-brow light beer would be safe enough.

Until he came home one evening and found the sixth empty bottle slipping from Riario's hand as it dangled off the couch.

“Hey, you okay?” Zo hurried over to stand at Riario's bare feet. Riario saluted him with the bottle, and Zo realized he was drunk. “It's a school night. What are you doing drinking?”

“My father,” Riario replied and tried to take a sip of the beer. His disappointed face when he realized it was empty was possibly the cutest and most uncharacteristic thing Zo had ever seen. He wondered if he could get a picture without Riario killing him.

“Your father, huh? It's that bad that you have to get trashed?” he asked as he tried to inconspicuously free his phone from his back pocket.

Unfortunately, Riario's face crinkled into a scowl. “You have no idea.”

“Actually, yeah, I do. I know all about family issues.”

“You never talk about your family,” Riario said with a frighteningly sober realization.

“No, I don't,” Zo took a deep breath. “And you don't either. Except Lucrezia.”

Riario's scowl grew angrier. “Don't talk about them. Especially Lucrezia.”

“Got it,” Zo said and sat down on the coffeetable with a sigh. “Did you drink everything?”

“Just this beer that tastes like piss,” Riario crinkled his nose and Zo wished again he'd gotten out his phone.

“Well, let me go make you some coffee and we'll watch some Downton Abbey while you sober up, okay?”

ZO'S LOG: Family sucks. It doesn't matter what family you're born into, it's the one you choose that matters most.

____________________________________

Zo cleared his throat to announce his presence then dropped the game controller over Riario's shoulder into his lap. Riario picked it up by a corner as though he were holding a mouse by the tail.

“What is this?”

“That, my friend, is what we are doing tonight.”

“I am finishing this—” 

“You just pulled an all-nighter. Today was the last day of midterms; you need to take a break or your brain will explode.”

Riario lost the battle with his face and actually smiled. Zo chalked it up to exhaustion. “My brain will explode,” he repeated quietly. “I see now why you didn't go into pre-med, Zoroaster.” 

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up at the business major's expense. You won't be laughing when I kick your ass.” That made Riario break into a smile again. Zo couldn't believe he'd done it twice in one night. “Come on, I'll let you pick. Lego Batman or Marvel.”

“Don't you have any shooter games?”

ZO'S LOG: Bf proved he has a hitherto unknown but highly suspected murderous streak. Ngl, it's kind of hot.

____________________________________

“So when are we leaving?” Leo asked Zo as he set his lunch tray down.

“Leaving for what?”

“Spring break,” Leo replied.

Zo swore. He couldn't believe he'd almost missed it. He and Leo had spent every spring break together since freshman year. They never had much cash, so they just took Zo's car as far south as they could and followed the rest of the school's party crowd to somewhere the students all wore bikinis and drank for a week.

They had always sworn they would save up and go somewhere epic for their senior year, which both knew would be postponed at least one year.

“You can't miss it, Zo,” Leo was telling him. “Lucrezia told me her dad was renting a place in Cabo and it's going to be incredible.”

“Wait, you're taking Lucrezia? Or, you're actually going with Lucrezia?”

“Yeah. We thought we'd surprise you. Everyone is going. It'll be fucking awesome.”

Zo rubbed his face and over his hair. “Wow, okay, let me talk to Girolamo and get back to you.”

“Girolamo?” Leo looked truly puzzled.

“Riario,” Zo spelled out. “You do remember him. My—” he almost blurted out _boyfriend_.

“Oh, well, sure, yeah, bring him, I'm sure Lucrezia won't mind.”

“And you won't either, will you?” Zo said, surprised when his tone came out a little angry.

Leo shrugged. “It doesn't bother me. Whatever.”

Zo had all the plans in place when he got home to find Riario in his usual place on the couch, toes peeking out again. “Are you going to be able to leave Sunday morning for spring break?”

Riario looked up at him, blinking slowly, his mind slower than normal to change gears from poetry to Zo. “Spring break?” he repeated. “I'm not going anywhere for break.”

“Yes, you are. We're going to Cabo. It's all worked out.”

“No, I am not. I have too much to do and papers to finish.”

“But, Leo invited us.” Zo took a deep breath and lied. “He said he especially wanted you there.”

Riario blinked slowly but didn't look as excited as Zo thought he would. “I don't care. I'm staying here over break.”

“Then I will too,” Zo announced and Riario looked more aware now.

“Don't feel obligated to stay behind while your friends are all out partying,” he said dryly.

“Eh, what does Mexico have to offer that I can't get here? We'll buy some Taco Bell, put on salsa music and drink a lot of tequila.”

“I think that's a rather problematic view of Mexican culture,” Riario scolded but Zo saw his mouth twitch.

“Would you rather have burritos and Dos Equis?” Zo relished the small laugh that won. “Besides what will we do if Al-Rahim investigates and finds out I abandoned you on spring break? That would be terrible for our relationship.”

A week of Riario without the distraction of classes was interesting, and they both ended up alive and unmaimed, so Zo figured it was a win.

ZO'S LOG: Didn't miss Cabo as much as I thought I would. And I think I might be teaching the uptight bf how to relax a little. Plus I got to show him what having a chessmaster for an uncle can teach you, and after he'd calmed down and we found all the pieces, I schooled him again. Then I graciously retired from competition when he challenged me to learn Go because I believe in quitting while I'm ahead. You should have seen his face when I beat him though.

____________________________________

Zo found an extra six-pack of his beer in the fridge, and Riario allowed him to order his favorite pizza one night when they were both too tired to cook.

Zo found himself trying not to make big messes in the kitchen.

ZO'S LOG: I might actually be turning into some kind of OCD clean freak after living with him. I learned how to operate a dishwasher and he literally gave me a standing ovation.

____________________________________

When midterm grades were announced and Riario maintained his 4.0, Zo found which bakery made the pistachio muffins that Riario seemed to like. He would buy one on occasion and make it last for two days. Zo bought him a four-pack and told him to indulge.

ZO'S LOG: Bought the bf his favorite muffins because his rock-hard abs make me feel lazy and hungry. He actually smiled.

____________________________________

The gang was still tan and talking about spring break when Zo and Riario met them at Leo's apartment for another party. Zo worked the room, joking with Amerigo and hugging several other friends he hadn't seen in ages. He was surprised at first when Riario trailed along in his wake, untouched drink in hand.

He began introducing him as “Girolamo, my boyfriend,” just in case the rumors hadn't reached everyone yet. Riario just nodded and didn't speak unless directly spoken to.

When Zo hit the snacks table to catch his breath, Riario leaned close and asked, “How did you ever become friends with them? With all of them?”

“I don't know,” Zo answered honestly. “It just sort of happened.”

Riario and he circled each other as the party raged on until Leo stood on the couch to start demonstrating one of the experiments he'd tried and failed their sophomore year. He called Zo over to reenact his part and the two hammed it up for the crowd. When Leo jumped off the couch to applause, Zo slung his arm around Leo's shoulder and kissed his head affectionately.

He glanced over and caught the look on Riario's face. Although he'd never seen it on Riario before, he knew it was jealousy and he promptly took his arm off Leo. It wasn't Zo's fault that Riario was playing it cool with Leo. Maybe Riario was just waiting until Leo and Lucrezia inevitably broke things off to make his move. Either way, he couldn't expect Zo to forget his best friend. If Riario wanted to have an affair with Leo, he was just going to have to know that Zo was still going to be around.

That was that.

ZO'S LOG: Bf displayed an unsuspected streak of jealousy. I didn't really like it.

____________________________________

When Zo announced he was meeting the guys the next night to shoot pool, he wasn't extending an invitation. But he couldn't very well turn Riario down when he was ready and waiting at the door to go with.

So Zo took him along but did his best to drink alone and take Giuliano for as much money as he could at the pool table. Leo had brought Lucrezia along in clear violation of boys' night. But Zo was more surprised that Riario showed a soft spot for Nico, talking quietly to him and even offering some suggestions when Nico was struggling in a game against Lorenzo.

When Nico had a particularly tough shot, Riario took his cue and demonstrated how he would approach it. Zo appreciated the sight of Riario's rear in those jeans leaning over, practically lying on the felt, and when he glanced around, he saw Leo was ogling, too, over Lucrezia's shoulder.

Damn it, that was his pretend boyfriend, Zo fumed, so he went over and slung his arm around Riario when he straightened. He felt Riario tense but then go slack in the casual embrace so he squeezed his shoulder. “Let's go get a drink. I'll buy one for Nico in consolation when he gets crushed.” Zo looked back at Leo as Riario fell into step with him. Leo was still staring.

ZO'S LOG: I displayed an unsuspected steak of jealousy. I really don't like it.

____________________________________

Zo realized they were talking more when they were both home. Stupid little mundane things, but more conversation than when they'd begun. He even caught Riario watching TV by himself once or twice, but mostly news shows, never anything that would make for juicy teasing material.

Riario helped him with some of his classwork, reading and editing some of his papers, giving him tips for a few of his presentations.

Zo tried to repay him until he realized that Riario seemed happiest when Zo respected his quiet when he needed silence or when Zo offered a movie or game if he needed a distraction.

ZO'S LOG: Graduation is getting closer, and I think it's stressing us both out. Girolamo's actually really good at English and writing, and he helps me with my papers. But never those for psychology with Dr. Al-Rahim.

____________________________________

“What do you want to do with your life?” Zo asked one night when Riario hadn't typed on the laptop for a good 10 minutes but he hadn't move from his end of the couch so Zo assumed he wasn't looking at porn.

Riario didn't answer at first. He finally turned a little to look at Zo and said, “I've told you my plans.”

“I don't mean what are you doing after graduation. Anyone can figure that out. I meant what do you want to do with your _life_?”

Again Riario was silent until he breathed out, “I don't really know. I haven't gotten that far.”

“Good,” Zo said, sinking into the couch a little more comfortably. “I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.”

ZO'S LOG: Discussed our future. It was enlightening.

____________________________________

The rest of the semester flew by. Riario was reading constantly and some days the only time the laptop keys were quiet was when he was opening another book to correct a citation. Zo was studying and freaking out, and he thought that if he'd gotten the math correct and if he passed psych, he would officially graduate.

It was exciting, sobering and scary all at once. 

There was no time for quiet dinners together; meals were grabbed on the fly. No more meet-ups with friends; the only times Zo saw them was when he was mainlining coffee from Vanessa's shop or running past Nico in the library.

It all came down to Zo's psychology final which just happened to be the last one scheduled, a nicely dramatic touch from fate, he thought. Al-Rahim said he would meet with the partners right after the final to determine what Zo's grade would be, if the research study requirements had been met.

Zo thought his stomach would gnaw its way out of his abdomen in the meantime. Riario had even offered to help him cram for the final, but Zo had waved him off irritably. The exam was as tough as he'd imagined, and from the groans around him, the rest of the class felt the same. Al-Rahim sat at a desk facing the room, radiating smugness. Zo wondered if the man lived off the terror he inspired in others.

It was finally a relief just to have it over. Zo sat on a bench outside the psychology department and breathed in the humid spring air. It was all done, one way or the other. Either he'd pass and graduate or not. Either way Riario would be moving on, and Zo would still be Zo.

That was the thought that made his stomach churn even harder.

He jumped when Riario walked up from behind and held a coffee cup in front of his face. He swore and clutched his chest. “I didn't think I had any adrenaline left, so thanks for finding that last spurt,” Zo swore again.

Riario smirked behind his sunglasses and proffered the cup again. Zo shook his head. “I've had so much coffee today, my ulcer is going to float away.”

“That's why it's hot chocolate,” Riario sat beside him and Zo accepted the cup greedily that time. “It's still not good for your stomach,” Riario warned.

“I'll grab something to eat after.”

“I was thinking I would make that mushroom risotto again tonight,” Riario mused.

“That was fantastic. You want me to pick up some chicken and we can grill it?” Zo offered.

“That sounds good,” Riario answered.

Zo sipped his drink when it hit him: the study would be over in a few minutes and he'd have to move out of Riario's house. This was probably Riario's way of being nice before he kicked Zo's ass to the curb. The hot chocolate turned to lead in his stomach and he threw the cup into the nearest trash can.

Riario looked up at him, concern showing even with the sunglasses, but Zo only shrugged. “Let's get a move on. I can't stand waiting anymore.”

Al-Rahim made them wait a few long minutes before calling them in then prolonged the drama by reading through papers and ignoring them. Zo glanced at Riario who was calmly folding his sunglasses and looking around Al-Rahim's office with little interest. Zo was ready to claw through the chair arm.

“Well, Zoroaster, Girolamo, tell me how you fared this semester,” Al-Rahim finally spoke. 

“Fine.” “Quite well.” They answered simultaneously.

Al-Rahim took his time staring first into Riario's eyes and then Zo's. “It is said that love will find a way, and I wonder if that is true for the two of you.”

“That love will find a way to do what?” Zo questioned, his leg bobbing nervously as he awaited the outcome. 

“It will find a way,” Al-Rahim intoned, his hypnotic eyes drilling into Zo's until his leg threatened to kick right off. Then Riario's warm hand settled on his thigh and the shaking stopped. The touch grounded Zo and he looked away from Al-Rahim to glance at Riario who was staring placidly straight ahead.

“Sure, professor,” Zo said since no one else seemed inclined to speak.

Al-Rahim shuffled one of the papers to the top of the pile. “We have analyzed the results of your study, and have come to the conclusion that your relationship is one of the healthiest, most honest we've ever ranked in our research. It is relationships like this that last a lifetime. Congratulations, you might be one of the few who make it.”

There was silence in the office until Riario turned to Zo and smiled, “You see, darling, you were worried about nothing.”

Zo stared at him, mouth open in shock at the endearment, until Riario's hand crushed his leg until it felt bruised. “Yes, sweetheart, that's wonderful news. Just wonderful.”

“And since we passed your study, that means that Zoroaster will get his credits to pass your class?” Riario asked in his politest tone.

Al-Rahim just stared at them. “There was something special about the study we had you two undertake.” He steepled his fingers on the desk in front of his face, and Zo felt Riario's hand clench at the same time he recognized the classically evil villain pose. Zo reached down and grabbed Riario's hand before he even realized it.

“Very special,” Al-Rahim continued. “You see, every time we open a research study to the university and community as a whole, we always have someone, some immature volunteer who does not meet the requirements but signs up anyway. There is always someone who tries to skew the data, influence the study, or make a fool of us and our research. That's why we do the initial trial, just to weed out the liars.”

Zo knew Riario could feel how sweaty his palm was, but he was reassured when Riario turned his hand over to link their fingers.

“The actual study we were undertaking was based on an older one by another university. It seems that eye movements can demonstrate how one views romantic love or sexual desire,” he explained. “We were attempting to duplicate those results and take it a step further with couples who are already in love, to determine if they found others more attractive romantically or sexually compared to their partner.”

“So those pictures we were shown on the computer?” Riario asked.

“That was the research study,” Al-Rahim confirmed. 

Zo exploded. “What the actual fuck. So why did we do all that...” 

“Bullshit,” Riario finished his sentence, and fuck him if Zo suddenly realized that he was doing that a lot lately. And it wasn't nearly as irritating to Zo anymore because it didn't feel like Riario was doing it to one-up him but rather because they were actually thinking in concert.

“Oh balls,” Zo moaned and Riario looked at him oddly, obviously not in tune with him for once. He did let go of Zo's hand when Zo stood.

“The polygraph regarding your feelings for your partner and the daily logs were only my way of weeding out a subject that I was convinced was lying. But you both passed the polygraphs with flying colors, and between that and the logs, there is much interesting data we can potentially use in future studies,” Al-Rahim looked directly at Zo. “And I'm sure it will prove beneficial in your future relationship. All that sharing and communicating you were forced to conduct.” He paused dramatically. “That is...if you decide to continue your farce of a relationship.”

“I'm sure I don't know what you are implying,” Zo said haughtily, pulling himself up straighter in a posture he couldn't deny that he'd learned from Riario. “Come on, Girolamo, let's get out of here.”

Riario followed him to the door when Al-Rahim called out, “Zoroaster, congratulations. You did pass my class. And if I have any future studies that involve subterfuge, I will be sure to keep your contact information.”

Zo raised his arm, but Riario grabbed it and pinned it behind his back before he could make the obscene gesture. “Good day, Dr. Al-Rahim,” Riario said over his shoulder and muscled Zo out.

He held onto Zo the whole way through the outer office and didn't let go until they were safely out of hearing range outside. Then Zo let loose a flurry of obscenities aimed at Al-Rahim and kicked the side of the building a few times. While he caught his breath, Riario asked, “Do you feel better now?”

“No, no I don't,” Zo panted and pulled his hair. “I can't believe that lying, cheating, conning—”

“To whom are you referring? The professor or yourself?”

“Don't you try and be all moral on me now. You lied too.”

“Only because I was being blackmailed,” Riario said calmly. “And in case you missed it, your friend da Vinci and Lucrezia broke up nearly a month ago.”

Zo stopped his pacing and stared at Riario. “Does that mean you're going after him?”

“Him? What?”

It was possibly the first time Zo had ever caught Riario off guard, and he couldn't even enjoy it with the knot beginning to form in his stomach. 

“If Leo and your cousin broke up, then Leo is free. Are you going to go after him?”

Riario's lips did that twitch, the one that Zo noticed so often, when he did that annoying little _I want to smile but it might not be seen as appropriate_ thing he did. It had made Zo furious then humored then feel lucky that he'd gotten Riario to actually smile, but mostly nowadays it drew Zo's attention to Riario's lips, those surprisingly full lips that looked softer than the rest of him. While Zo's thoughts broke off, he saw Riario master his urge to laugh.

“No,” Riario finally said. “I am not going to pursue da Vinci. Your interests are safe.”

“My interests?” Now Zo was the one lost. “Leo?! I'm not interested in Leo. He's my best friend, sure, but I'd end up killing him in a week if we dated. I'd smother him in his sleep, or rather, he's always working and never sleeps so I'd have to sneak up on him when he's on one of his four-day work benders and strangle him.”

“So, you're not interested in him?”

“No,” Zo said flatly. “Are you?”

“No,” Riario said. 

There was a long moment when they just stared at each other. Then Zo muttered, “Fuck it. Don't kill me,” and moved toward Riario in a rush, pushing him back against the brick wall, crowding close, cupping his face and kissing him. Riario gave as good as he got, gripping Zo's hips and tonguing into Zo's hot mouth. That felt really good, Zo thought, and he gave in to the urge to grind a little. Riario slid his leg in between Zo's and rubbed it against the bulge in Zo's jeans.

“Oh God, yes,” Zo murmured into Riario's ear. He trailed kisses back across Riario's cheek and down to his lips again before pulling back. “Why didn't we try this months ago?”

Riario glared at him, but Zo knew it was much weaker than his typical glare. “You were using me to pass your psychology class.”

“And I thought you were using me to keep up your secret affair with my best friend.”

“I did not have an affair with him. It was one time and I have regretted it ever since,” Riario pushed Zo and did a spin move that left Zo the one scraping his back against the brick of the building. He could feel the heat and tension from Riario's body where it met his own, and he slid his hands down Riario's chest, around his waist and into the back pockets of his jeans. The additional contact made Riario hiss.

“So you don't want Leo?” Zo said tipping his chin up just enough that Riario couldn't reach his lips.

“As if this doesn't make that clear. No, you fool, I want you.” Riario crushed his lips to Zo's and Zo happily gave in.

When a wolf-whistle from a passerby made them come up for air, Zo nuzzled his cheek against Riario's and whispered, “Let's go home and re-enact that email I sent you. You know, the one about our first time. That was hot.”

“Oh, we can do much better than that,” Riario nearly purred and kissed Zo again.

And Zo believed that much was probably true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that? For a slow-build fluff and humor piece? Yeah, I know, it disappointed me too. I'm sorry for wasting your time! But thank you very much for reading; I hope it made you smile at least!
> 
> Also, Riaro's bare feet are dedicated to Idriseleven and her amazing Leario fic [Veritas](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5761465/chapters/13275232). I was so taken by the mental picture of Riario walking around in his bare feet that he crept into this story.


End file.
